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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Humiliated!! I wanted to cry inside.

When your overweight you have a conscience that everyone is looking at you and thinking all these awful things about you.  Yes half of them or so may be true.  Is it the right thing to do?  NO!  Do we need your support YES! I need the support as I'm changing my mind, body, and habits.  I'm working on my emotions and the way I handle them.  I'm being proactive for myself.  I'm eating right and going to the gym.

Things I don't expect:

I was working out on a treadmill today and there was men behind me working out.  One made a noise like "neyyyyy" (sp)  to imitate a farm animal.  It hurt, nobody deserves it.  Do you think that's going to help promote me to get healthy?  In my old way of thinking I would have gotten out some oreos and milk, lots of spaghetti with bread and butter, or about 6 mcdouble sandwiches from "McDonald's".  I was so upset I didn't try to let it show. 

Truth time, I didn't eat anything that wasn't on my meal plan! How I wanted to though!  This was fuel for me.  It just gave me more drive to show the arrogant man that I can and will do this for me.  I will not fail because of him.  I will not change my plans because of him.  Every day, week, month, year that I will remain healthy will not be accredited to them.  It will be accredited to God, me, Fawn & Zac, my family, church family, and friends.  You all get accredited because you have endured me through all this and encouraged me!! Just remember we do need that!  It may sting but that sting goes away.  Life moves on.  I will pray for those of you who feel they need to make fun or put others down to make yourself feel better.  You know, I used to eat to make me feel better.  Imagine what your soul looks like.....

6 comments:

  1. Carolyn. My heart was so stirred by what you wrote, and I felt the hurt and humiliation with you. I've been amazed at your courage and perseverance. Some people have noticable challenges--yours is your weight and becoming healthy. But there are those who have serious issues of the heart--such as that individual who mocked you. His condition is much more severe than yours my dear. You keep on--I'm cheering you ALL THE WAY!

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  2. Carolyn if I were there I would've totally confronted the man, he must obviously be insecure about something. He felt threatened by your presence, b/c YOUR DOING THIS FOR YOU AND NOTHING WILL DISCOURAGE YOU (atleast you did good in not showing it) I used to be a bully, way back when, but it was b/c I was hurting and I realize that doesn't justify my treatment towards others. I don't know if what I said makes sense. You don't worry about what others say or do to want to hurt you, you just leave it in God's hands and he'll take care of the rest. =) Big Hugs!

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  3. Carolyn, You know that you are strong and beautiful. You are making such amazing progress. Love you VERY much! Keep it up wonderful lady! You are SPECIAL

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  4. Carolyn! I have been there! At a gym and was made fun of my a man. Exactly make it give you drive girl! They are insecure themselves so they make fun of others. The not nice part of me would have been like, "Excuse me, I am really sorry you feel the need to make fun of me to hide the fact you are insecure about your small wanker, but you need to stop." hahaha that man would prob never make that mistake again. You are doing great! KEEP IT UP! love ya

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  5. So proud of you for not drowning your sorrows in oreos....that would have been my first thought too (actually sponge candy!) You are amazing! YOu are not only changing your life but lives around you. So proud of you. We need to plan a trip up to Larry's house again. Can't wait to see you. You look awesome.

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