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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Some more changes for me!

So I've haven't been able to grow nails never.  They've always been so weak.  They aren't now.   I think because I have gotten away from eating just carbs now I eat protein with every meal and snack.  They are growing beautiful even with all of my hard work on packing and moving.  They haven't broken or chipped.  I'm actually thinking about painting them!!!  

Also different scenario.  Sorry if it's to much info.  Here goes!  When out at a store or restaurant in the past I've waited for the handicap toilet as I felt I was so closed and I'm not clausterphobic.  I also felt like I wasn't properly able to used the restroom.  Today I was taking my 3 year old in and we both had to go and the handicap toilet was out of use.  We both managed in  a regular stall just fine.  I feel better about myself not having to use the handicap toilet.  My weight shouldn't handicap me and I won't let it anymore!!!  Like I said sorry about the TMI!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wimp, wimp no more!!!

Since we've moved to this house I was pregnant with my second child.  After I had him I fell and re injured my back.  I gained alot of weight then.  We've lived here since October 2007.  Since then I really haven't been able to do any "manual labor"  that involves more than light work.  As we are purging, packing, and getting ready to move I have found out that I am completely able to pack and get rid of things we don't use as we are putting what's leftover in the dumpster.  It's a high dumpster and I have enough muscle to keep going and repetitively lifting things in there.  It's not one thing at a time.  A box of this or that and doing some sweating while I'm at it.  I'm impressed with myself it's great to be able to see my body do this again. 

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A weigh in ...

So my first official weigh in will be the first week I'm off my medications.  However, I did weigh in this monday.  After I lost myself for those couple of days I started everything again and I got back at working at my goals and again put myself back into this journey emotionally.  I do think before I removed myself emotionally and don't know how but I'm glad to be back.  So now everyone's wondering..... what happened at the weigh in.  The 3 lbs I gained I lost those so I'm back to where I started!!!!   I have been terribly busy with preparations to buying our own home. 

This Birthday Sunday at church was like no others.  We had always had cupcakes and some type of fruitpunch drink.   The past couple sundays I had brought in fruit trays and majority of the  people never ate cupcakes.  So we got together and made fruit parfaits.  Healthier and YUMMY ones.  Some of the kids even went back for seconds.  We also served it with water and had lemons available for flavor.  Some wern't used to the healthier option and couldn't wrap their minds around not having cupcakes but in time I think it and they will be fine. 

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dissapointment

So, things have been up and down for me lately.  I've been busy and have had some health problems where it's depleted me.  For those healthy problems I've been on medication that has messed with my mind and have had some points of depression.  On top of my lower motivation and energy I had a couple of bad days eating.  I didn't eat 6 times a day - I only ate 2 to 3 times a day.  When I did eat I did eat more than normal and I even went and ate some premade chocolate chip cookie dough.  Before I have made decisions to have something less healthier than my normal everyday food.  I didn't feel like I was in control of what I was eating.  However, I was.   On top of this Fawn and some others knew there wasn't something "right" about me.  They we're checking in on me and I went right back to who I was before.  I lied about it.  I told them everything was fine.  Then I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself for falling and disappointing everyone who's helped me get here. What I hadn't realized is that It's okay to have a bad day or two.  Even if it was a week and I realized what was happening and I got back up and went after my goals again.  MY GOAL not to loose a bunch of weight - but to be healthy and eat healthy.  To deal with my emotions in a healthy way.  I also realized that these people loved me unconditionally.  I've always tried to please people.  However I never realized how much I never wanted to disappoint people.  As I am human and will never be perfect I need to try and worry about myself and my individual family and not be petrified of what others are going to say.  I feel better now coming out with the truth and lifts alot of weight off my chest.  Some of the side effects  that I had from eating the less unhealthy food are excessive tiredness, stomach pain, awful gas, and the burping tasted like well I'd rather not say and you'd rather not know I'm sure.  I know that some of these toxins are still in my body and as I eat clean day after day my body will be cleansed of these feelings and bad food.  I had a small mishap on dealing with my emotions and life and I'm back on track and from now on I will be completely honest in letting people know if I feel things heading wrong again.  I will reach out for help and support as I know I have those people in my life.  As for anyone else who has this problem in their life where they try to start eating healthier you deserve to pick yourself back up and get on the healthy plan again.  If you can't do it on your own - talk to someone who's there to support you.

Monday, March 21, 2011

So a brand new awakening!!

As I said before I'm having trouble sleeping.  I did years ago as I gained weight.  I had boughten one of the arm pillows and used that to elevate me.  Last night as I tried sleeping without it - I had a great night of sleep.  I'm tired now and thinking about heading into bed and will be trying it without my arm pill or chair pillow.  Just a regular pillow.  Don't know if things work like this but now that i'm under the weight I was for along time years ago maybe I need to go back to the old sleeping habbits.  I will keep you posted!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Life..

So here we are in another week of being on meds and not weighing in.  I'm really wondering if not weighing until I'm off these meds is the right thing.  I really need to up the exercise more just extremely tired.  I'm having problems sleeping.  The weeks and months ahead don't seem like the busy times will end soon.  My husband and I just bought a house with closing coming soon.  We need to get packed and then start making improvements on our new home so we can get moved in.  I also have to get all the paperwork and school information transferred back to New York State.  That's just the extra stuff. Therapy, doctors appointments, eating, sleeping, homework, and living life are some of the every day normal things that we will be doing on top of these new moving things.  We have a pretty big family dinner coming up in april, Easter, My oldest son's birthday, baseball and softball season, a getaway in august, and 10 years of marriage celebrated in september.  The way I look at being busy is that before I had lost all this way, it's not something I could do or care to do.  My desire for living life is stronger than ever.  Off to back some more boxes!!!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

sleep

So as sleep has become difficult because at times I have been able to sleep others not so well.  I used to love to sleep on my stomach I haven't been since I was pregnant with my second child.  Well I was having a hard night sleeping the other night I was able to roll over and be comfortable on my stomach - I can't believe it!!!!  That sleep that night was awesome!!! Can't wait for more nights like that.  Regaining some of my energy and pushing forward!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

It's been awhile!

So here I am, sorry it's been a while!  Tomorrow is Monday, but I won't be going to my weigh in.  Yep, that's right you heard me - I won't be going to my weigh in.  Recently I have had some medical problems completely unrelated to my weight loss that has been making me have very low energy and no motivation.  As I recover I have been put on some new meds that can have me gain weight.  I know I have put on some this week already.  I've talked to Fawn and I have decided to not weigh in until my medications are done with.  I'm going to try and eat extra clean and up my cardio as well.  I don't want my weight well on medications to play "games" with my mind.   I will continue to blog and let you know about changes but I will not weigh in for now.   I did get into a size 24 pants!!!!    Please pray for me as I go through this hard time - may it not deter me from pushing through these problems and continuing to get healthier!!!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Cheers to the changes!!

So at the end of my icky feeling stage I could finally taste food again.  Boy was I sorry about that.  I wanted some chinese so I got a small portion of chicken and broccoli with brown rice.  I miss chinese so much or at least I thought I did!! I got sick from that with bad stomach cramps.  My body is used to all this clean and healthy food and took something with so much sodium and my body reacted to it.  How do you know it's this because it happened the one time that I chicken and broccoli before since I started my journey.  I know this is the word of God saying Carolyn your body will better tolerate this if you try and make a healthier version at home.  This is some awful stuff.  I don't want these cramps again and I don't want the chinese again.  I could say it was the place but I used to eat there before my journey.  So it's just my body reacting to less healthy food.  I thought this would upset me but it doesn't.  I'm good after all why wouldn't my body want healthier food???

Monday, March 7, 2011

Snow storm of the year

So there will be no way in today.  We've had the storm of the year - at least I'm hoping.  I don't like missing my weigh in. That scale is my accountability partner.  I know sometimes it doesn't reflect what work I put in but that's okay.  For so long I didn't look at the scale.  I thought it better to just not know how big I was.  How much I weighed.  I would never look into full length mirrors!!!   It's amazing what you do to hide how unhealthy you are. 

This weeks a busy one our little son Ben has his MRI tomorrow to see what's going on inside his back.  I've been waiting for this just need to see if we can still do it as his physical was today and his Dr's office is closed so we are waiting to see what can be done.  I don't want them to have to reschedule.  He's been waiting an awful long time then we'll also have to go back through the insurance channels.

So it's a long snowed in day already.  Need to get some things done and accomplished so I guess it's off to a in - house workout!!!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

One of the most important changes!!!!!

While I was updating I forgot to tell you!  I can't believe I forgot!  I am so psyched over this.  I used to ride electric carts in stores because I didn't have the energy and my back would hurt so back and I wouldn't be able to do anything else.  So now I can handle walking.  What's the next step .....move faster than a fast walk.  I did that when Fawn was up!  I RAN!!!!  I didn't run to go get a child as they got hurt I ran longer distance than that.  I thought the first time I ran I wouldn't be able to move anymore that day, but I moved, It felt really invigorating.  It also was an accomplishment!! I didn't fail!   

"Once you choose HOPE anything is possible" - Christopher Reeve

New Updates!

So here are some more changes.  I was at walmart today and was able to find a clearance rack!!! Go figure me find one?!!!!  Anyways, I seen this black shirt I liked it was a 16/18 I held it up in front of me to see if I was close.  My husband and oldest son both said something to not yet!!  I said I think so, so I tried it on and it looked good!! It wasn't a shirt that was meant to be baggy.  I also found some tank shirts like exercise shirts.  I have been wearing a 2xl in most shirts but these were xlarge.  Changes are happening even if I don't loose any weight this week.

Normally when I weigh in I'm wearing shorts and a tshirt.  I haven't been able to wear those because they are so big.  To me this next change is the most awesome.  When I met my hubby I weighed 220.  On our first date I had on these blue mesh pants that zip on the bottom.  As I was going through my clothes to get rid of them because they don't fit, I stumbled upon these same pants as they were in the bottom of my dresser.  They we're a large.  I'm 264 lbs and thought at 44 lbs difference they wouldn't fit.  Well I didn't know if they would fit.   I've learned not to under estimate the work that the I put into myself and now the work of the mindset part and how the Lord has changed me I know that if I can't fit into something now, I will later.  They don't look the best but it's only time before they do and then I'm in a smaller pair of pants yet!! So take a look......


                             






Not only do you notice difference in size but I'm also not afraid to have people look at me so I posted in a spaghetti strap top n pants that are just barely fitting.  I did this for me and you so that you can see the difference since I started but also differences in the future.  When I wear these clothes again and they aren't skin tight then we'll see some changes.  Another change is that you see I haven't pulled my hair back.  It's cut and I do it every day!! I actually care about how I look not for others but for me as well as others.  I don't want to show up at my son's school and have his friends make fun of him because of my weight or because I don't take care of myself.  Besides the hair I've learned correctly how to put on makeup, flat iron my hair, and have had jewelry on.  O the changes in just 5 months!!!