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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dissapointment

So, things have been up and down for me lately.  I've been busy and have had some health problems where it's depleted me.  For those healthy problems I've been on medication that has messed with my mind and have had some points of depression.  On top of my lower motivation and energy I had a couple of bad days eating.  I didn't eat 6 times a day - I only ate 2 to 3 times a day.  When I did eat I did eat more than normal and I even went and ate some premade chocolate chip cookie dough.  Before I have made decisions to have something less healthier than my normal everyday food.  I didn't feel like I was in control of what I was eating.  However, I was.   On top of this Fawn and some others knew there wasn't something "right" about me.  They we're checking in on me and I went right back to who I was before.  I lied about it.  I told them everything was fine.  Then I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself for falling and disappointing everyone who's helped me get here. What I hadn't realized is that It's okay to have a bad day or two.  Even if it was a week and I realized what was happening and I got back up and went after my goals again.  MY GOAL not to loose a bunch of weight - but to be healthy and eat healthy.  To deal with my emotions in a healthy way.  I also realized that these people loved me unconditionally.  I've always tried to please people.  However I never realized how much I never wanted to disappoint people.  As I am human and will never be perfect I need to try and worry about myself and my individual family and not be petrified of what others are going to say.  I feel better now coming out with the truth and lifts alot of weight off my chest.  Some of the side effects  that I had from eating the less unhealthy food are excessive tiredness, stomach pain, awful gas, and the burping tasted like well I'd rather not say and you'd rather not know I'm sure.  I know that some of these toxins are still in my body and as I eat clean day after day my body will be cleansed of these feelings and bad food.  I had a small mishap on dealing with my emotions and life and I'm back on track and from now on I will be completely honest in letting people know if I feel things heading wrong again.  I will reach out for help and support as I know I have those people in my life.  As for anyone else who has this problem in their life where they try to start eating healthier you deserve to pick yourself back up and get on the healthy plan again.  If you can't do it on your own - talk to someone who's there to support you.

8 comments:

  1. OMG Carolyn, Ive been dealing w/the same exact thing for weeks now. There are days where I exercise n eat healthy n other days where im down in the dumps...i feel ashamed and ttly dislike myself...but other than that, im SO Proud of U for getting back up! U deserve this!!

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  2. You are human and humans make mistakes but fortunetly we have our Heavenly Father and our earthly friends. You are doing wonderful and a set back is OK. You realize it and are back on track and that is what is really important. I love you girl and pray for only the best for you. Barb

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  3. (((((((((((((Carolyn)))))))))) There's a hug. This winter has been rough--I know so many who have had difficulties with health and depression (often a combination) You have a lot of people supporting you-even when you may not feel us. We don't expect perfection, just progress. The journey is often two steps forward, one step back. Sometimes we can realize how far we have come when we take one of those backward steps or hit a slippery spot. Catch your breath and Dawn's hand and start again. Philippians 4:13
    praying, laurie

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  4. You are awesome! You are showing everyone else that it is ok to fall, as long as yuo get right back up..Remember easy on easy off. I have been at the gym every day this week to make up for my "SINS!" and have already lost what I gained! You can do it. We are here for you, and God has placed you in my life and in my heart. I am standing in the gap for you and claiming great things...

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  5. well, friend ... V - I - C - T - O - R - Y VICTORY IS OUR CRY. TOGETHER IS THE KEY ... WE ARE NEVER ALONE... THANKS FOR YOUR LIFE!

    PL

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  6. I think you grew up a lot last week Carolyn. God loves you unconditionally, and he's put people into your life over these past months to demonstrate that unconditional love. There's healing in that. I love you girl!

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  7. Beautiful Carolyn...you are anything but a disappointment! I'm so proud of you and always remember that the truth is what sets you free! I love you!!!

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  8. Carolyn,
    I so relate! I also have fallen off and felt like I was never going to get back on the health food, but I did with support from people who really care and wanted me to succeed! Just get the junky stuff out and you will feel better again. I know I did! I have found recipes that allow me satisfy my sweet tooth, that are sugar free and I love them. If you need anything, just send me a line! Together we will get healthy together! :-) Erica

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