Wednesday, March 23, 2011
So, things have been up and down for me lately. I've been busy and have had some health problems where it's depleted me. For those healthy problems I've been on medication that has messed with my mind and have had some points of depression. On top of my lower motivation and energy I had a couple of bad days eating. I didn't eat 6 times a day - I only ate 2 to 3 times a day. When I did eat I did eat more than normal and I even went and ate some premade chocolate chip cookie dough. Before I have made decisions to have something less healthier than my normal everyday food. I didn't feel like I was in control of what I was eating. However, I was. On top of this Fawn and some others knew there wasn't something "right" about me. They we're checking in on me and I went right back to who I was before. I lied about it. I told them everything was fine. Then I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself for falling and disappointing everyone who's helped me get here. What I hadn't realized is that It's okay to have a bad day or two. Even if it was a week and I realized what was happening and I got back up and went after my goals again. MY GOAL not to loose a bunch of weight - but to be healthy and eat healthy. To deal with my emotions in a healthy way. I also realized that these people loved me unconditionally. I've always tried to please people. However I never realized how much I never wanted to disappoint people. As I am human and will never be perfect I need to try and worry about myself and my individual family and not be petrified of what others are going to say. I feel better now coming out with the truth and lifts alot of weight off my chest. Some of the side effects that I had from eating the less unhealthy food are excessive tiredness, stomach pain, awful gas, and the burping tasted like well I'd rather not say and you'd rather not know I'm sure. I know that some of these toxins are still in my body and as I eat clean day after day my body will be cleansed of these feelings and bad food. I had a small mishap on dealing with my emotions and life and I'm back on track and from now on I will be completely honest in letting people know if I feel things heading wrong again. I will reach out for help and support as I know I have those people in my life. As for anyone else who has this problem in their life where they try to start eating healthier you deserve to pick yourself back up and get on the healthy plan again. If you can't do it on your own - talk to someone who's there to support you.