A life not yet lived to Health and Happiness? ? ? ?

So the title of my blog is A life not yet lived to Health AND Happiness.  Lately I quit living and I feel like I'm existing watching the world go round without me.  I feel like there's no reason for me to be on this earth.  That there is a little bit of what I'm going through on a daily basis.  There's not one day that doesn't go by that I have shed any tears.  Tears of happiness, NO.  I can't put my finger on what they are mad, angry, pitty, or sad tears.  It's probably a little bit of it all.  I'm experiencing the big "D" word.  Depression.  Enough said.  I don't understand why now.  The only other depression I've dealt with is baby blues.  Someone told me that maybe God has allowed me to be in this depression to learn something.  I know I will gain something from it.  I don't think I have yet but I will.  I hope it's sooner rather than later because I don't like feeling like this.  I'm so glad that I have my husband without him I don't really know how I'd make it.  He is my soul mate - he gets me.  We have been together for 13 years and he can finish my sentences.  He may not look like much to any of you at all but he doesn't have to answer to any of you - he's got a great heart and he's got my heart.  Next my outside of my home family who is there for me and supports me emotionally and doesn't  add to the rest of my stress - thank you.  To my other family.  The ones who support me from inside our side of my church - my christian family you guys really help me so much.  Each little talk or long talk may seem like nothing to you but just think that you may have helped my day be just a little bit better.   Hopefully those talks in the near future will make my day.   This journey of mine is a journey of mindset right now my mind isn't set.  I want it to be so bad.  I want this depression to go away and if it doesn't go away to just be manageable.  This is my journey for life so I'm not as regimented in the ways it used to be but once my mind feels better my body will too and so will my regimen.  Prayer, Prayer, Prayer yes I ask for it and welcome it.  Please pray for me.